Archive for the ‘Family Life’ Category

Sometimes I Disappoint Me

Tuesday, January 5th, 2010

I disappointed myself in Small Group the other night. As I thought about it, it occurred to me that I’m probably not the only one that does this.

If you’ve been reading this blog, you know I was laid off in early November. The lay off came up in conversation in Small Group. I shared some of my feelings and frustrations regarding being laid off. We had a great conversation.

After our group had left for the evening and my daughter was in bed, my wife and I were sitting on the couch talking. It occurred to me that I had shared more about my thoughts and feelings in Small group than I had one-on-one with my wife. It wasn’t because my wife isn’t a safe person to talk to. She is the safest person in my life. It wasn’t because she isn’t supportive. She’s amazingly supportive. It was because I presumed she already knew.

My wife is the closest person in the world to me. I just presumed that she knew what I was going through but I never communicated it to her. By not communicating my thoughts and feelings to her, I deprived us of emotional intimacy, because she didn’t know how I was feeling.

Now, let me say this clearly, there is nothing wrong with being open and vulnerable in you Small Group. You should be and you will never experience the community for which the group was designed if you don’t. But, the first place to look for love and support should be your husband or wife. Don’t deny them the opportunity to be the husband or wife that God designed them to be. Don’t deny them the opportunity to love and care for you. Don’t deny yourself and your spouse the opportunity to experience emotional intimacy.

What do you do to maintain emotional intimacy in your marriage?

Save Your Marriage Before You Get Married

Friday, March 13th, 2009

Divorce bothers me. It bothers me a lot. It bothers me because I think it’s avoidable in pretty much every instance. Working at a church and having a wife that is an attorney that does some family law I have an interesting perspective on the subject. I have the misfortune of seeing divorce a lot. In my experience the root issue has always been that the people should not have gotten married to begin with.

If you want a successful happy marriage it starts prior to the proposal. My wife pointed this out to me after she had read Ephesians 5:22-32. Being a strong confident woman, she had a hard time with verse 22, “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord” (NIV). Then, as she was studying verse 25 really hit her, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (NIV). She realized the importance of these verses for a single woman. She realized that it was her responsibility to find a man that would love her like Christ. Then, submission wouldn’t be an issue because her husband would be looking out for what’s best for her.

This is important for anyone who is considering getting married at some point in their life. It is important that you read through Scripture and learn what the Bible says about marriage. Look at this with a dual focus. On one hand open yourself to God to work in your life to be the kind of person that will be the kind of spouse described in the Bible. On the other look for the person that will be the kind of spouse described in the Bible and don’t settle for anything less. You are a person created in the image of God and you deserve to experience the marriage that God intends as defined in Scripture.

Take responsibility for your marriage before the proposal. Find and be the kind of spouse that God describes in Scripture then you will save your marriage before you get married.

Later this week I’ll talk maintaining a healthy marriage.

Valentine’s Day

Saturday, February 14th, 2009

If all you know about Valentine’s Day is from the adds on TV and Facebook then you think Valentine’s Day is all about sex. Now as important as sex is in a healthy marriage relationship, our culture has put the cart before the horse. Valentine’s Day is a day to celebrate love. Sex isn’t love. In marriage, sex is a healthy expression of the love that exists between a husband and a wife.

So, today let’s take the focus off sex and put the focus on love. Let’s not look to Valentine’s Day as a day where we focus on what we want out of our relationships. Let’s spend today focused on what we want to give to our relationship. Let’s focus on sacrificing our self for the one we love. That, after all, is what true love is; giving of yourself sacrificially to another. That’s what Jesus did when he came to earth for us.

Invest yourself in your marriage today. Start by taking at least 15 minutes to thank God for the person he gave you in marriage. Make sure it’s at least 15 minutes. That will help you to be specific about all the things that you are thankful for. It will help you focus on them rather than one yourself. It will help you stop taking them for granted and to see the wonderful gift that God has given you. Then confess to God your sins in your marriage. Confess to God the times that you’ve been selfish and seeking to be fulfilled in your marriage rather than fulfill your spouse. After that, pray that God will help you to be a better husband or wife. Pray that God will show you how to better invest in that relationship. Finally, think of at least one creative way to express your love for your spouse today. Enjoy each other today and allow this celebration of love to be a catalytic experience that draws you closer to each other in a more vibrant and fulfilling marriage.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

what do you think about your wife/husband

Thursday, February 5th, 2009

In my last post I talked about the effects that thoughts have on experience. Today I want to apply that specifically to marriage. It’s an incredibly disturbing trend to me to see the number of marriages failing today. It’s a shame that the relationship that God designed to, in my opinion, most reflect Him often reflects Him the least. I think that the way we think about our spouses has a huge part to play in that. Take a moment and think about the thoughts you’ve had recently about your husband or wife. What have those thoughts been? Have you thought intentionally about them or have you let your mind wander? Have you thought about them at all when they weren’t present with you? A couple days ago I took some time to intentionally think about how much I love my wife and the things I love about her. It was incredibly fulfilling. It was almost like I fell in love with her all over again. Sadly, I don’t intentionally think about her or anything enough. Far too often I allow my mind to wander. I have a challenge for you. Take some time in the next 24 hours and think intentionaly about the person that means most to you. If your married I hope that person is you spouse. If not, think about your spouse anyway. It will be good for your marriage. Think about how they enrich your life. Spend some time intentionally reflecting on the importance your spouse, or if you’re not married the most important person in your life. After that 24 hour period journal or post here your thoughts and experiences. I think you’ll be pleased in the way such an action improves your relationship.